Beyond “I Like That”: How the Language of Praise Shapes Motivation

Written By Jamie York

The other day, my business partner Chad sent over his latest blog post, Leadership is Built on Transitions. After reading it, I couldn’t help but reply right away—telling him every word was simply brilliant and that I absolutely loved it. My excitement had me falling right back into an old pattern of “I love” praise. And we’ve all been there—you genuinely want to recognize someone’s effort, and the words that come out are, “I love how your work turned out.” On the surface, it feels positive. But does it actually ignite their passion? Or does it create a subtle dependence on external validation?

In high-performing teams, praise can either nurture intrinsic drive or feed unhealthy habit loops. The key is shifting from “I like…” to “Your…” statements—praise that reflects selfless leadership and empowers people to own their growth.

The Psychology Behind Praise: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

As leaders, many of us were taught that praise is always a good thing. And while recognition absolutely matters, the way we deliver it makes all the difference in whether it fuels lasting motivation—or quietly drains it.

1. When Praise Becomes Pressure

Have you ever noticed that sometimes praise feels more like pressure than encouragement? Research calls this the overjustification effect. In plain terms, when praise feels controlling (“I need to do this to keep them happy”), it can chip away at someone’s natural drive. But when praise is given as genuine information about their competence or autonomy (“You really owned that project and made it better”), it strengthens their internal motivation. 

2. Praising Effort Over Traits

Telling someone “You’re brilliant!” might feel encouraging in the moment, but it can unintentionally lock them into a fixed mindset—afraid to fail because they don’t want to lose that label. Contrast that with, “Your work clearly shows an eye for detail and a dedication to excellence.” That kind of praise reinforces the process and effort, helping people lean into challenges with confidence.

3. How Our Brains Hear Praise

Neuroscience shows our brains actually process praise similarly to financial rewards. In other words, it lights us up. The goal is making sure it’s the right kind of praise—specific, genuine, and tied to behaviors or growth. When it is, it not only boosts morale but also increases sustainable performance while decreasing stress.

4. Why Praise Impacts Performance

It’s not about flooding people with compliments—it’s about thoughtful, well-delivered feedback. McKinsey found that employees feel more motivated when feedback connects directly to their contributions, not just a number or generic statement. And organizations that get this right—those that make people-first performance management a priority—see real business results: stronger engagement, lower turnover, and even higher revenue growth.

The Reframe: From “I Like or I love…” to “Your…” Praise

Why It Matters:

• Detaches from leader’s validation → Moves away from “you made me happy” to recognizing the individual’s impact.

• Highlights autonomy and competence → Encourages internalization and ownership.

• Cultivates a growth mindset → Anchors feedback in effort, strategy, impact—not traits.

Example Swap:

• Instead of: “I love how your presentation turned out.”

• Reframe: “Your clarity in walking the team through those complex charts made our decision-making so much more confident.”

That shift makes the praise about them, not about your feelings as the leader.

Steps to Make Praise About Them (Not You)

• 1. Pause & Reflect

  • Before offering praise, ask: What specifically did they do? How did that help?

• 2. Use “Your…” Statements

  • Anchor praise to their actions and results.

• “Your…” (action, insight, approach) led to…

• Avoid “I like that…” or “I’m impressed by…”

• 3. Be Specific & Timely

  • Praise works best when it’s immediate and concrete. Instead of general acclaim, call out the behavior that made a difference.

• 4. Reinforce Mastery & Growth

  • Focus on effort, strategy, learning: “Your persistence in iterating that design until it resonated with the client showed deep care.”

• 5. Implements process-oriented praise that bolsters intrinsic motivation.

  • Offer It Publicly—On Purpose: Public recognition amplifies impact, but ensure it’s genuine and effort-based.

• 6. Create a Culture of Shared Ownership

  • Encourage peer-to-peer “Your…” feedback, not just top-down, blending into a broader, people-centered performance culture.

Closing Thoughts: Praise as Service

If you’re like many leaders, you may catch yourself in the old habit of saying “I like…”—or in my case, “I love…” because I really do get genuinely excited. That’s okay. This is where we start to shift. As we begin to master this reframe we offer more than recognition—we offer respect, autonomy, and belonging. “Your…” praise becomes service in language form. It reframes performance from pleasing people to performance lead by intrinsic passion. It shifts the energy from seeking to look good to feeling empowered. Through cultivating this form of recognition we can nourish intrinsic motivation, build resilience, and sustains high performance rooted in meaning—not just approval.

So what could a reframe of my original praise to Chad sound like? Instead of, “I loved every word,” I might say, “Your clarity and depth of thought really helped me understand leading change on a deeper level.”  This way, the praise honors the work itself—not just my reaction to it. And yes, I’d probably still keep my initial excitement and say it was brilliant and maybe even slip and say that “I love it”—because that’s me, and I’m a work in progress. Maybe you are too—so give yourself permission to practice this shift one praise statement at a time.  I hope you have a little fun with it!  I’m excited for you!

Sources

• Harvard Business Review. A Simple Compliment Can Make a Big Difference. 2021. Link

• Harvard Business Review. The Benefits of Peer-to-Peer Praise at Work. 2016. Link

• McKinsey & Company. In the Spotlight: Performance Management that Puts People First. 2023. Link

• McKinsey & Company. What Employees Say Matters Most to Motivate Performance. 2021. Link

• Wikipedia. Overjustification Effect. Link

• Eliassen Group. Positive Reinforcement in the Workplace. Link